Let’s Talk About the “Shoulds”

I was standing in my kitchen last Tuesday, holding a mug of tea that had gone cold because I kept forgetting to drink it, when I caught myself thinking: I should be doing more. More work, more posting, more laundry, more of literally everything. And I just stood there, laughing at myself a little, because I know I’m not the only one who does this. You do it too, right? We all have that running list in our heads of things we “should” be doing, and it’s exhausting.

That moment got me thinking about the way we talk to ourselves when we’re trying to build something — a blog, a habit, a life that feels a little more like ours. So I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned, the messy and honest version, over coffee. Pull up a chair.

The Pressure to Be Everywhere at Once

Here’s the thing nobody tells you: the internet makes it feel like everyone else is doing ten thousand things perfectly while you’re over here trying to remember your login password. I remember scrolling one night, feeling that familiar knot in my stomach, and then it hit me — I was comparing my behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. Again. I do this, you do this, we all do this.

What’s helped me, honestly, is to stop treating my own effort like it’s on trial. A few things that have made a real difference:

• Giving myself permission to do one thing well instead of ten things badly
• Writing down what I actually finished, not just what’s left undone
• Asking “would I say this to a friend?” before I say it to myself
• Closing the app when the comparison spiral starts

None of this is revolutionary, I know. But small shifts, repeated, are kind of everything. I noticed that when I stopped racing to keep up, I actually got more done — and liked myself more while doing it.

My Little Coffee-Shop Confession

Last month I sat across from a friend who’s building her own thing — she’s brilliant, by the way — and she admitted she’d been up until 2 a.m. rewriting something that probably didn’t need rewriting. I laughed out loud because, hi, I’ve been that person. We both just sat there, tired and caffeinated, and realized we’d been treating rest like a reward we had to earn. Spoiler: we don’t.

So now I try to notice the signs. When I’m refreshing a page for no reason, when I’m re-reading the same sentence for the fifth time, when my shoulders are up by my ears — that’s my cue. I step away. I make another cup of tea. I let it be enough for today. It sounds so simple, and yet it took me years to actually believe it.

If you’re in that place right now, where everything feels like it’s not quite finished — I see you. Take the break. The work will still be there, and you’ll come back to it with a clearer head and a kinder heart.

What I’m Taking With Me

When I look back on the last few months, the biggest lesson hasn’t been about productivity hacks or clever tricks. It’s been about being gentler with myself. The “shoulds” don’t disappear overnight — mine still show up, usually around laundry time — but I’ve gotten better at noticing them without letting them run the whole show.

You’re not behind. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re a person doing your best with the time and energy you have, and that is genuinely enough. I’m learning to believe that for myself, and I hope you’re learning it too. We’re in this together, one honest cup of tea at a time.

🤍