So I’ve been thinking about something lately. You know those random moments when you’re doing something totally mundane — like standing in your kitchen waiting for your coffee to finish brewing — and suddenly a thought just hits you? That happened to me the other day. I was staring at my coffee maker, watching it do its slow drip-drip-drip thing, and I thought: why do I always feel like I need to be doing more?

I mean, I know I’m not alone in this. We all have those days where we’re juggling a million things — work, family, trying to remember if we actually responded to that text from three days ago (sorry, Jess) — and somehow it still never feels like enough. I’ve been thinking a lot about that feeling lately, and I wanted to share some things I’ve been learning along the way. Not because I have it all figured out (spoiler alert: I absolutely do not), but because sometimes it helps to know someone else is in the same messy boat.

That “I Should Be Doing More” Feeling

Let me paint a picture for you. It’s a Tuesday evening. I’ve worked all day, managed to throw together a somewhat edible dinner (emphasis on somewhat), and I’m finally sitting down on the couch. And instead of enjoying it — instead of just letting myself be — my brain immediately starts running through the list of things I “should” be doing. Should be exercising. Should be reading that book that’s been on my nightstand for six months. Should be meal-prepping for next week. Should be learning a new language or whatever it is that productive people do.

Can anyone else relate to this? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Here’s the thing I’ve realized: that voice in my head that’s constantly telling me I’m not doing enough? It’s not actually helping me. It’s just making me feel exhausted and guilty and like I’m perpetually falling behind some invisible finish line that keeps moving further away.

I remember one night last month, I was so wrapped up in this feeling that I actually sat down and made this elaborate to-do list for the next day. I’m talking color-coded, time-blocked, the whole thing. I felt so productive and proud of myself. And then the next day came, and literally nothing on that list got done. Not one single thing. Because life happened — a friend called with a crisis, my dog decided that 2 PM was the perfect time for an emergency vet visit (he’s fine, by the way, just dramatic), and before I knew it, it was 10 PM and I was eating cereal for dinner while watching reruns of something I’d already seen three times.

Instead of beating myself up about it, I just laughed. Because honestly? That’s just life. And I think we need to be a lot gentler with ourselves about that.

Small Shifts That Actually Help

I’m not going to sit here and tell you to “just do less” or “practice self-care” in that vague way that doesn’t actually mean anything. Because I’ve tried that, and honestly, it just made me feel worse — like I was failing at relaxing too.

Instead, here are some small, practical things I’ve been trying that have genuinely helped me feel a little less like I’m drowning:

• I stopped making unrealistic to-do lists. Now I write down three things I actually want to accomplish — not should, want. And if I only get one done? That’s still one more than I would have done without the list.
• I gave myself permission to be a “good enough” person. Good enough at my job. Good enough at keeping my apartment clean (it’s not spotless, but there are no science experiments growing in the fridge). Good enough at staying in touch with friends. It’s surprisingly freeing.
• I started noticing when I’m comparing myself to other people. You know that thing where you’re scrolling through social media and suddenly everyone else seems to have their entire life together? Yeah, I’ve been trying to catch myself doing that and just… stop. Close the app. Go outside. Pet my dog. Anything else.
• I ask for help now. This one is hard for me. I’m very much a “I can do it myself” kind of person. But I’ve learned that asking for help isn’t weakness — it’s just being honest about what I need. And honestly, most people are happy to help if you just ask.

The other day, I actually said “no” to something. A friend asked me to join a committee for this community thing, and my first instinct was to say yes because I felt like I should. But then I paused and thought: do I actually have the time and energy for this? And the answer was no. So I said, “I don’t think I can commit to this right now, but thank you for thinking of me.” It felt terrifying. And then it felt amazing.

What I’m Still Learning

I’m not going to pretend that I’ve mastered this whole “being kind to yourself” thing. Some days I still spiral into that “I’m not doing enough” mindset. Some days I still compare myself to other people and feel like I’m falling short. Some days I still make lists that are way too long and then feel guilty when I don’t finish them.

But I’m getting better at catching myself. I’m getting better at saying, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s actually enough.”

I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is that there’s no finish line. There’s no magical point where you’ll suddenly feel like you’ve “made it” and can finally relax. Life is just… life. It’s messy and unpredictable and sometimes you eat cereal for dinner. And that’s okay.

So if you’re reading this and feeling seen — if you’re also the person who lies awake at night thinking about all the things you should have done — I want you to know that you’re not alone. We’re all just doing our best. And honestly? Your best is pretty dang good.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drink my coffee (which is finally ready) and not feel guilty about the fact that I haven’t exercised yet today. Because sometimes the most productive thing you can do is just… be. 🤍